英语幽默故事
-
2023年2月28日发(作者：广州公共)30则英语经典幽默故事（二）
推荐文章
短小经典的英语小笑话热度：趣味英语笑话四则热度：经典英
语小笑话带翻译热度：优秀经典的英语笑话有哪些热度：优秀经典
的英语笑话带翻译热度：
下面是店铺整理的30则英语经典幽默故事，希望大家喜欢!
英语经典幽默故事1.
Theclerkatthepost-officecountertoldthewoman,“You
havetoputanotherstamponthisletter-it’stooheavy.”
Shereplied,“Andthat’llmakeitlighter?”
英语经典幽默故事2.
Awomantryingonpairafterpairofshoesinsistedthatshe
hadtohaveapairthatwereextremelycomfortable,“Ihave
waterontheknee,“shefinallyexplained.
“Oh,wellthen,howaboutthese?”askedtheclerk,
openinganotherbox.“They’repumps,”
英语经典幽默故事3.
“Ibegyourpardon,”saidthemanreturningtohisseatin
thetheater,“butdidIsteponyourtoeswhenIleft?”
“Youcertainlydid!”answeredtheannoyedpatron.
Themanturnedtohiscompanion.“Honey,comeon,”he
said,“We’reintherightnow!”
英语经典幽默故事4.
“DidyouknowthatGeorgeWashington’sinaugural
speechlastedallofoneandahalfminutes?”askedJane.“I
guessthere’sjustnotmuchtosayifyou’reapoliticianwho
can’ttellalie.”
英语经典幽默故事5.
Ahuntingpartywashopelesslost.“Ithoughtyousaidyou
werethebestguideinMaine!”oneofthehuntersangrilysaid
totheirconfusedleader.
“Iam,“repliedtheguide.“ButIthinkwe’reinCanada
now.”
英语经典幽默故事6.
Adoctor,anengineerandalawyerwerearguingoverwhose
professionwastheoldest.“Onthesixthday,Godtookoneof
Adam’sribsandcreatedEve,“saidthedoctor.“Sothat
makeshimasurgeonfirst.”
“Please,”saidtheengineer.“Beforethat,Godcreatedthe
worldfromchaosandconfusion,sohewasfirstanengineer.”
“Interestingly,”saidthelawyersmugly,“butwhodoyou
thinkcreatedthechaosandconfusion?”
英语经典幽默故事7.
Amanwalkedintoabarandsawanoldfrienddejectedly
nursingadrink.“Youlookterrible,”themansaid.
“MymotherdiedinMarchandleftme$10000,“saidthe
friend.“TheninAprilmyfatherdiesandleftme$20000.”
“Gee,that’stough,losingbothparentsintwomonths.”
“Thentotopitoff,“thefriendsaid.“myauntdiedlast
monthandleftme$50000.”
“Howsad.”
“Tellmeabout,”thefriendcontinued.“Sofarthismonth,
nothing.”
英语经典幽默故事8.
Onedayamanwentintoachemist’sshop,andsaid“Have
youanythingtocureaheadache?”
Thechemisttookabottlefromashelf,helditunderthe
gentleman’llwasso
strongthattearscameintotheman’seyesandrandownhis
cheeks.
“Whatdidyoudothatfor?”hesaidangrily,assoonashe
couldgetbackhisbreath.
“Butthatmedicinehascuredyourheadache,hasn’tit?”
saidthechemist.
“Youfool,“saidtheman,“It’smywifethathasthe
headache,notme!”
英语经典幽默故事9.
PaddywastellingMikeofhisplanstomakealotofmoney.
“Iintendtobuyadozenswarmsofbeesandeverymorning
atdawnI’mgoingtoletthemintotheparkoppositetomy
housetospendalldaymakinghoney,whileIrelax.”
“Buttheparkdoesn’topenuntilnineo’clock,
“protestedMike.
“Irealizethat,“saidPaddy,“butIknowwherethereisa
holeinthefence.”
英语经典幽默故事10.
hisfirstnight’s
dutyhepausedtowatchalearnedprofessorwhowaspeering
enastarfell.
“Manalive!”exclaimedtheastonishedPaddy.“Youarea
fineshot.”
英语经典幽默故事11.
ged
verywellwithPUSHandPULLsignbuthewasseenstruggling
withhisfingersunderadoormarkedLIFT.
英语经典幽默故事12.
W:Yoursnoringhasbecomeunbearable.
H:Howbadcoulditbe?
W:Well,ifyouhadbeensawingrealwood,you’dhave
wipedouthalfthetropicalrainforest.
英语经典幽默故事13.
Lecturingabouttheevilsofstayingoutlateandsleeping
awaythemorning,themanbegantoscoldhisteenageson.
“Youwillneveramounttoanythingunlessyouturnoveranew
leaf,“hesaid.“Rememberthattheearlybirdgetstheworm.”
“But,Dad,“arguedtheson,“wasn’tthewormstupid
forgettingupsoearly?”
“Thewormhadn’tbeentobed,”thefatherreplied.“He
wasonhiswayhome!”
英语经典幽默故事14.
W1:Workingfulltimeandtryingtodothehouseworkreally
orkIcamehomeandwashedtheclothesand
owIhavetowashthekitchenfloorandthefront
window……”
W2:Whataboutyourhusband?
W1:Absolutelynot!Hecanwashhimself.
英语经典幽默故事15.
Amanwenttoapetshoptobuyaparrot.“Wehavethree,”
saidtheclerk.“Thisblueonespeaksfourlanguagesandcosts
$1000,andtheredparrotknowssixlanguagesandcosts$2000.
Theorangeoneovertherecosts$30000,butdoesn’ttalkat
all.”Threethousands!”exclaimedtheman.“Howcomeso
much?”“Well,”theclerkwenton,“Wedon’tknowwhathe
does,buttheothertwocallhim‘boss’”
英语经典幽默故事16.
PETTHEORY:Withadog,youfeedhim,yougivehimplenty
ofaffection,andyoutakehimforwalksandhethinks,”Wow,
thisguymustbeaGod.”Withacat,however,youfeedhim,you
lovehim,youcareforhimandhethinks,“Wow,Imustbea
God.”
英语经典幽默故事17.
AcollegeEnglishprofessorwrotethewords“Woman
withouthermanissavage”ontheblackboard,anddirectedhis
studentstopunctuateitcorrectly.
Hefoundthemenlookedatitoneway,andthewomen
another.
Themaleswrote,“Woman,withoutherman,isasavage!”
Thefemaleswrote,“Woman!Withouther,manisasavage!”
英语经典幽默故事18.
A:Didyougiveyourwifethatlittlelectureoneconomyyou
talkedabout?
B:Yes.
A:Anyresults?
B:Yes,Ihavegottogiveupsmoking.
英语经典幽默故事19.
Speeder:WasIdrivingtoofast?
Cop:Heck,no!Youwereflyingtoolow.
英语经典幽默故事20.
A:Whyisyourcarpaintedblueononesideandredonthe
other?
B:uldhearwitnesses
contradictingeachother.
英语经典幽默故事21.
Amanwithtwobadlyburnedearswenttoseehisdoctor.
“Whathappened?”Askedthedoctor.
“Well,”begantheman,“mywifewasironingwhileIwas
thehotironnearthe
telephoneandwhenthephonerang,Iansweredtheiron.”
Thedoctornodded.“Butwhathappenedtotheotherear?”
“NosoonerhadIhungup,saidtheman,“thanthesame
guycalledupagain!”
英语经典幽默故事22.
ItwasafewdaysbeforeChristmas,sowhentheofficeclosed
athalfpastfive,mostoftheyoungmenandtypistsstayedand
eanddrank,dancedandsangsongs,and
livedquitelongwayfrom
ewminuteshelookedathiswatch,andatlast,
whenitwasverylate,hebegantoleave.
“Joe!”shoutedhisfriends.”Areyouleaving?Whydon’t
youstayandenjoytheparty?”
“Iamnotleaving,”saidJoe.“Iamonlygoingdownto
ebackina
fewminutes.”
英语经典幽默故事23.
Landlady:Howdoyouliketheroomasawhole?
Visitor:Asahole,it’sfine;asaroomit’snotsogood.
英语经典幽默故事24.
Theteacherwasgivingherclassalectureonmottoes,and
remarkedthatshewishedtheclasstomemorizethemotto,“It
isbettertogivethantoreceive.”
Asmallboycriedout,“Yes,Miss,myfathersayshehas
alwaysusedthatashismottoinbusiness.”
“Oh,hownobleofhim!Whatishisbusiness?”
“He’saboxer,Miss.”
英语经典幽默故事25.
Anengineer,amathematicianandaphysicistwerestanding
aroundtheuniversityflagpolewhenanEnglishprofessor
wanderedby.“Whatareyoudoing?”heasked.”Weneedto
knowtheheightoftheflagpole,”answeredone,“andwe’re
discussingtheformulaswemightusetocalculateit.”
“Watch.“edthepole
fromitsfitting,laiditonthegrass,borrowedatapemeasureand
said,“Exactly24feet.”Thenhereplacedthepoleandwalked
away.
“Englishprofessor.”Sneeredthemathematician.“Weask
himfortheheight,andhegivesusthelength.”
英语经典幽默故事26.
Ataweddingceremony,someoneaskedthebridegroomthe
bridegroomanswered:“Oh!Idon’havebeen
abigblunder!SinceI’mtoofondofdrink,attheverybeginning,
Iwasjustfascinatedbyherdimples,butnowIhavetomarrythe
wholeofher!”
英语经典幽默故事27.
T:Jenny,what’sAbstractNoun?
J:Idon’tknow,sir.
T:What!Youdon’tknow?AbstractNounreferstothose
thingsyoucanimaginebutcan’,canyougiveme
anexample?
J:Theburningfiretongs.
英语经典幽默故事28.
TheRealBraggartwasdying.“Now,Itellthetruth,thereis
muchmoneyhiddeninthejarunderthefloor,andyoucanuse
itformyceremony.”Afterthisremark,ativeshold
astheceremonywasover,
,ajarwas
underit,butwithonlyanoteinitwhichreads:“thisisthelast
braginmylife.”
英语经典幽默故事29.
Inphysicsclass,theteachertoldthestudents,“The
understand?”
“Yes.”Jimanswered.“That’swhysummerholidayisso
longandwinterholidayissoshort.”
英语经典幽默故事30.
Ayoungmanwrotetohisgirlfriend:“DearAnna,I’mso
forgetfulthatIcan’trememberwhetheryoupromisedmeor
notwhenIaskedyoutobemywifelastmonth?”
Soon,hegotaletterfromhisgirlfriend:“Peter,mydear,
I’mveryforgetful,berIhaverefusedaman,butI
forgotwhohewas.”